Mira's "I won't leave you" seemed a little pat - like, there's probably a hundred movies with that exact line.... Maybe this is the sort of thing you put down in a first draft and are going to get back to and I shouldn't be bugging you about the details, but... just in case. It sorta jumped out at me.
And you're right, it is kinda...done. Sometimes I think of good dialogue the first time around, and sometimes I'm just getting the nuts and bolts of a scene across and it's a little bland. I'll note it!
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-11-19 11:48 pm (UTC)No, no, this is exactly the kind of note I love. Because I may or may not have picked it out as something to fix in a revision if I ended up keeping the scene itself, so I want to know if a line seems cliché or out of character or awkward.
And you're right, it is kinda...done. Sometimes I think of good dialogue the first time around, and sometimes I'm just getting the nuts and bolts of a scene across and it's a little bland. I'll note it!