kungfuwaynewho: (pd emerson rolls eyes)
[personal profile] kungfuwaynewho
My best friends are my sisters!  [livejournal.com profile] lavrapesto and [livejournal.com profile] h_s_doodles.  (And if you have ever or do ever get a reply from one of the two of them, that's because someone forgot to log out.  Hmmph.)  My sister Laura and I are three and a half years apart, but I suspect that one day scientists will discover that we are the only case of two siblings from two different pregnancies who just ended up with identical DNA.  Because we're the same person.  But all three of us watch the same stuff, read the same stuff, laugh at the same stuff, have the same temperaments, and so on. 

I've been trying to figure out what "a moment" means.  I ask the little man behind the help desk in my brain, but he hasn't been giving me an answer.  So rather than try to pick out something profound or meaningful or whatever, I am instead just picking something completely at random.  So when I was an undergrad, I was in an apartment with one bedroom but two other roommates; it was a strange set-up.  One of my roommates had been my friend since freshman year, and we got along great.  The third roommate was randomly assigned to us. 

Now, she was a nice person in general.  But she was kind of...strange.  Part of her strangeness was the strange dichotomy she had going on, being the daughter of a very wealthy Silicon Valley guy, but then being incredibly frugal - to the point of being a miser.  Like, I think I've never experienced more joy than the time she came out of the bathroom after applying $1 (ONE DOLLAR) Mexican hair dye.  It was ~amazing.  Part of it was that she was a born-again, but like, just born-again.  So she was REALLY INTO JESUS and didn't really like that she was living with two heathens.  I only mention the fact that she was super-religious because it is relevant to this story.

She invites two of her friends to come stay for a long weekend.  It was kind of awkward, but I'd had a friend over, so I couldn't really say no, even though one friend =/= two friends when you're talking a one-bedroom apartment.  Her friends are pretty much just the same as her.  One night that weekend there's a party in the complex.  All the apartments open out on a courtyard, so the party's just right outside our door.  Some guy knocks on our door.  She answers, even though it's almost midnight and everyone's in their jammies and getting ready for bed.  This random guy claims to have once lived in our apartment, and could he come in?  Before I can say, "Dude, no, what is wrong with you," she lets him in!  And he kind of looks around, and I'm watchful from the other side of the living room.  And then he's like, thanks!  Bye!

And my roommate stops him.  "Are you going back out to the party?  To do what?  To drink?"

"Uh...yeah," he says, because duh.  He's at a party.

Now, my roommate was a teetotaler.  Even though we were all 21, she was adamant we not have any alcohol in the apartment.  I told her that it was her choice not to drink, not mine, and things were kind of tense.  But damn it, if I wanted a glass of wine with dinner or a screwdriver as I watched TV, that was my right.  She really didn't like drinking, though.  Really.  Really.

One of her friends LITERALLY BLOCKS THE DOOR.  This guy starts realizing that he is in an apartment with three really weird girls (and one girl who was watching from afar, so flabbergasted that it didn't even occur to her to just ask everyone to stop and go away).  He very nicely asks again to leave.

The other friend goes to the kitchen and GETS A KNIFE.  I am totally not kidding.  She gets a FRAKKING BUTCHER KNIFE and walks out and holds it all coy.  "Why don't you just stay here?"  

They end up sitting around him in a creepy cult-like knife-wielding Jesus sandwich on the couch, explaining to him why he should not go to college parties and why he should not drink, and why he should start going to church.  I continue to watch, because my brain has leaked out my ears.  I don't think anyone's going to get killed, but I'm not going to climb into bed while there is a strange man held at knife point ten feet away.  After half an hour (HALF AN HOUR), they finally let him leave.  I may or may not have said in a loud voice that I really needed some sleep, even though I rarely actually went to sleep before 2am then.  And then they just laughed, like it had been the funniest thing in the world.

I'm totally serious.  That actually happened.  I don't even know, you guys.

Date: 2010-10-15 12:31 am (UTC)
ext_18428: (omgwtf)
From: [identity profile] rivendellrose.livejournal.com
They end up sitting around him in a creepy cult-like knife-wielding Jesus sandwich on the couch, explaining to him why he should not go to college parties and why he should not drink, and why he should start going to church.

o_O Okay, that? Is seriously one of the creepiest things I have ever heard. The mind boggles.

...Bet that poor guy never went into any other girls' apartments in the rest of his college career. If ever. Permanently traumatized, all because of your crazy roommate and her scary friends. And I can't blame him. Yiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Date: 2010-10-15 01:17 am (UTC)
jerusha: (wes sideglance)
From: [personal profile] jerusha
LMHO! Oh, dear. I laugh because I know these people. Or, well, I don't KNOW them, but I've known people very much like them, and if I don't laugh, I would have to cry. Plus, the "creepy cult-like knife-wielding Jesus sandwich" is just funny.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus that there is wine. I mean, Jesus drank wine, so it has to be okay, right? *g*

Date: 2010-10-15 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollywobbles.livejournal.com
Aw, I think it's neat that you're best friends with your sisters! That doesn't seem to happen very often.

Ohmygosh, that story. That... story. I don't know what to say. I can't even laugh at it.

Date: 2010-10-15 12:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nhpw.livejournal.com
I was doing OK, reading with total interest in where this was going until "knife-wielding Jesus sandwich." Then I lost it. That year must have been all kinds of awesome for you.

Date: 2010-10-16 02:04 am (UTC)
ghanimasun: (wtf)
From: [personal profile] ghanimasun
Holy. Shit. That story is the creepiest thing ever.
I would be afraid to still live with that woman after that! It sounds like they basically held him hostage for a half hour. Wow. I don't know if I would have been able to move either if I had witnessed that because it is just so outrageous and they sound sort of unbalanced to me. Yikes.

I'm so glad my college roommate experience was never that dramatic or scary. Granted it means I have no stories to tell really, but at least I didn't have to be afraid of my roommates practically kidnapping people!

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