Screenwriting Contest

Hey, folks.  I'm entering a screenwriting contest, which I've mentioned a few times before.  Instead of writing a full screenplay, we were given a logline and have to write the first fifteen pages of a movie based on that.  I know it's, like, the busiest time of the year, but if even one person has a few minutes to give this a look and give me some hard, unvarnished criticism, I would seriously appreciate it.  I'll repay you with a fic, some icons, a wallpaper, or something else.

The logline: "A father and son find themselves trapped in the Bermuda Triangle after embarking on a quest to discover what happened to the father’s missing parents."


( First fifteen pages under the cut. )