Haha, yeah. Screenwriting on a whole is pretty adjective-adverse, and adverb-averse. It's all about cramming in as much info in as few words as possible, so word choice is key. And I don't know why I have such a hard time with loglines, I really don't. Sigh.
Thank you for your help! I went with something really similar to what you came up with: "An ancient evil lurks in the castle on the mountain. For centuries the villagers have cowered in fear, but now one young mother has had enough - she will confront the dark Count, and put an end to his reign of terror." I wanted the "ancient evil" to come first because you never know how quickly someone will skip past - within the first sentence is definitely in the realm of possibility. Sigh. Executives.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-10-12 02:11 pm (UTC)Thank you for your help! I went with something really similar to what you came up with: "An ancient evil lurks in the castle on the mountain. For centuries the villagers have cowered in fear, but now one young mother has had enough - she will confront the dark Count, and put an end to his reign of terror." I wanted the "ancient evil" to come first because you never know how quickly someone will skip past - within the first sentence is definitely in the realm of possibility. Sigh. Executives.